Tuesday, October 11, 2011

How to Be a Super Super Villian

Dearest Readers,

This post requires you to go back in time and read some of my past articles that I had published on Sparklife. I was making a series of these articles but alas, I never sent the editors this post and by now it is too late. However, I thought this topic might interest many of you and feed your ambitions. In order to fully apreciate the genius of my guide that oozes with awesomesauce, I first suggest that you click this THIS and then read my first two publications. Cheers!

  • Undergo a tragedy-like your superhero adversities you must live through something horribly life altering. Stick your finger into an electrical socket. Lose your pet bunny, Thumper, and become a dark unforgiving human being because of the trauma.
  • Become skilled in the arts of science and engineering- Learn how to turn a microwave into a Trans-Morphing Machine 3000. Learn how to turn a microwave into a coffee cup. Learn how to turn a microwave into a snuggie.
  • Get a face job- Skin grafts and Face paint are favorites. You don’t want to be standing on top of a building announcing your diabolic plan to the citizens of the metropolitan below and have Mrs. Gertrude recognize you as the third grader who wet their pants on the first day of school.
  • Minions- Gru had his yellow balls of walking cheese; Snow White had her seven dwarves. Get yourself some weak-minded, demonic platypuses or robotic aardvarks to help you perform the most mundane tasks.
  • Create an Evil Laugh- giggles and shy whimpering laughs will not be tolerated anymore. Cackles, snorts and cahoots work. Either have a deep roar or a laugh with the frequency of a dog whistle.
  • Choosing your name- Don’t be too original. Settle for Doctor something. It never fails.
  • Develop your sarcasm skills- Nothing gets to an aspiring do-gooder more than using your snarky cruelty to tear apart their hopes and dreams and image and making them look like fruity pansies. Pick on their fashion choice of spandex or their curly greasy fro. Sue Sylvester style.

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