For all of you juniors in High school, the infamous PSAT is approaching, looming over us like a vat of toxic un-awesomesauce, just waiting to tip over and dump its slime and drown our little, scrawny bodies. It cackles as we whimper for help and keeps us from sleeping by attacking our thoughts telling us that if we breathe wrong, we will fail. But never fear young tadpoles! I am here to give you advice about taking the 2011 PSAT that basically will ruin the rest of your life and make you an angry fascist who is dissatisfied with how you look. Here are some simple steps for getting through it.
P.S. Click on the picture above to get the full affect.
- Don’t be illiterate- Do you know that you cannot touch all of your teeth with your tongue? If you just checked to see if this is true, and promptly realized that I made you look rather idiotic, than congratulations, you are not illiterate and can follow basic instructions. You are two steps ahead.
- Don’t fail-no scholarship, no college; no college, no job; no job, no love life; no love life, no family; no family, no friends; no friends, no parties; no parties mean no tacos. And you know what that means . . .
- Don’t Party the Night Before-Yes it is Friday and we all gotta get down on Friday, but chances are Rebecca Black never has and never will take the PSAT so what does she know? Join the rest of social outcasts and go to bed at 9:30 so as to be fully rested and look beautiful when you take the test. At least if you fail and then can’t get a real, fulfilling job you will be all set to work as a model.
- Wear Underwear- Other than your number 2 pencils and knowing how to spell your name, this is the worst thing that you could forget. Even if you thrive by going commando, please keep yourself contained.
- Don’t Panic-It may stand for Pain Suffering And Terror but please chill because it will not harm you . . . permanently.
Good luck tadpoles! All will be well and we will still have tacos and each other for when times get rough and the modeling career is going slow.
P.S. Click on the picture above to get the full affect.